God Still Cares
By Erica (25)
In 2019, after almost three years of dating, my then fiancé, Marinus, and I got engaged. It was a very exciting time, right out of COVID lockdown. We flew to Tauranga to find that his mum and brother had set up a lovely picnic by the water at sunset. It was here that Marinus got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Yes!
We started making wedding plans for the following January. We were hopeful, and almost certain, that my family from Australia would be able to make it by then. But as the year went on, and COVID continued, it became more and more apparent that guests from Australia would not be able to attend the wedding. We made the incredibly difficult decision to go ahead with our wedding, even though we knew our guest list would be much smaller.
Despite the circumstances, I was still hopeful that my mum would be able to make it. I had always known that my dad, having passed away when I was eleven, wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle; that was a grief I had already processed and found peace with. But I hadn’t anticipated my mum or family not being able to attend my wedding. As we continued planning, I had to consider – who would walk me down the aisle instead of Mum? I had no family in New Zealand of my own. It was so overwhelming.
My mum had applied for a visa for humanitarian reasons and had been denied, so she decided to investigate applying as a health worker. She applied for several jobs as a physiotherapist and had a successful interview with a brilliant employer just 30 minutes out of Christchurch. But one morning, I woke up to a call from her. The visa had been denied, again.
In that moment I felt so alone and abandoned, and almost resentful towards God. I remember crying out to Him that morning, ‘Please!’
That weekend I went to church, and the message was on ‘Hope.’ It was so tough to hear our pastor remind us that genuine hope was not optimism for circumstances to change, and that He doesn’t promise that circumstances will change. I thought that God must be saying, ‘No.’
I stopped praying to God about it for a few days, until I chatted with a friend. I shared how I felt after the sermon on Sunday, and I remember her saying, ‘He might not promise to change our circumstances, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t care.’
Oh. Of course! It sounds silly to say it, but it had completely slipped my mind that God might still care. In receiving a potential ‘No’ to my prayers, I had interpreted that as a cold, strict, hard rejection from a faraway judge, rather than from a close Father who might actually care. I began to pray again and asked trusted friends to join me.
There were still a lot of administrative hoops to jump through, and I felt so uncertain many times as the wedding edged closer. But then, one Friday two weeks later, out of the blue, I got the news that Mum’s visa had been approved – all in a single day! She was coming!
I think God was teaching me a lot during that time. I learned that I cannot place my hope in circumstances, otherwise I will continually be disappointed. Instead, I am to place my hope in Jesus, who will never disappoint. And, regardless of the outcome, He really does care for our circumstances! In the Bible, we see Jesus heal the lame and weep for friends. Even in the Old Testament, God is described as ‘full of compassion’ (Psalm 116:5, NIV).
I don’t expect that God will say ‘Yes’ to all of my prayer requests, but I have seen that He can. I have learnt to be faithful in prayer, even when it looks as good as done, and to entrust things completely to Him and His timing.
PROMPT: Read 1 Peter 5:7. It can be easy to forget that our heavenly Father cares, especially when we don’t see the answers to our prayers at the time we want them. Write down the worries, cares, and desires of your heart that are burdening you right now. Ask Him for what you need. He loves it when we do! Then surrender these to the Father, with a declaration of faith in His love for You, ‘Whatever happens, I know You care.’
PRAYER: Father, You are sovereign and powerful. You are able to do anything. I don’t always understand Your ways, or Your timing. I don’t know what Your answers to my prayers are going to be. But what I do know is that You care, because You say so. I’m sorry for the times I have doubted Your love for me because of my circumstances. Today, I choose to live by faith in who You are. I know You are loving. I know You are good. I know that You care. Thank you that You are close, not far away, and that you invite me to give my desires, cares, and worries to You.
