Jealous Much?
By Alisha Renee
Jealousy. It’s not a nice word. No one wants to be known for it, and no one invites it in. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you until it festers inside like a disease. And what’s worse than this taking control of your thoughts is when someone else shines a spotlight on your soul, exposing its ugliness in all its disfigured glory.
Like any disease, jealousy first needs to be diagnosed before it can be treated. We’ve got to call it what it is. No pretending it’s not there. The good news is, this disease is not terminal. There is a cure. The medicine doesn’t taste great, and there ain’t no spoonful of sugar to help it go down. But it works. So what’s the antidote?
Blessing.
I was still a teenager when I got married, just 19 years old. In my blissful state of being chosen over others by my husband to be his wife, I naively thought this would somehow work a miracle on my self-worth. It didn’t. I still had my demons of comparison and low self-esteem to fight.
We were leaders in our youth group at the time. I knew that God had given me gifts to use to serve others, but when I looked around, it seemed that every good gift He’d given me, He’d given to someone else in greater measure, especially one girl. I could sing. She was better. I loved to worship. She could worship-lead and play an instrument. I could speak. She could speak and draw people around her like moths to a flame. I never thought I was pretty, so naturally I thought she had that one up on me as well. At least I had my husband, but then I feared he might just wake up one day, realise what he was missing and want to trade me in for her—the better version of me. It’s crazy to write about this now, but it’s honestly how I felt at the time.
One day we were chatting together and, without realising it, I started spouting off criticism about this girl. He’d soon had enough. My quiet, unassuming, peace-making husband finally pushed back and said, ‘You’re just putting her down to make yourself feel better.’
I felt like I’d been slapped with a wet fish. Did I hear that right? Did my husband dare to defend another girl instead of siding with me?
‘So you do prefer her to me,’ I shot back. Mature, I know.
The festy sore of jealousy was clearly exposed, along with my broken self-worth and ever-present fear of not being enough. Thankfully, my husband decided it was worth the risk of treading through this minefield to come to my aid. He could see that this jealousy was starting to work like a parasite on my soul, stealing my joy, and suffocating the gifts God had given me. So instead of retreating, he reached over and offered me the antidote.
‘You need to pray a blessing over her,’ he gently suggested.
‘I’m not going to pray for her! You pray for her!’
I was incensed that he would suggest such a thing! But the antidote had been offered. Would I dare try it? Could it be any worse than this building resentment and the self-depreciation suffocating the life and joy out of me? So I prayed… kind of.
‘Dear God, I pray that you will bless her. Amen.’ That’s it. That’s all I could do.
After praying like this a few times, I discovered that the medicine of blessing didn’t taste so bad. In fact, it started to taste good. Soon I could pray that the Lord’s blessing and favour would be upon her in all she did, and I meant it.
One evening, God moved mightily in a service that this girl was leading and, to my surprise, I could actually rejoice. I realised that in some small way I was part of this. I had prayed that God would bless the service and move through her, and He did. Instead of resentment, I felt joy. The healing balm of blessing had done its work.
Jealousy is a symptom of a deeper problem, a belief problem. A belief that we lack, that we are not enough, and that there is only room for one great, special person. Freedom comes when we can accept that there’s always going to be a better singer, a better runner, a better student, a better speaker, a better… whatever. And joy comes when we are able to bless others in their gifts while still valuing ourselves.
There’s only ever going to be one you. There’s no one with your combination of talents. No one with your story. No one with the passion you have, expressed in the way you do. So let’s keep our soul soft and protected against the disease of jealousy by taking our daily dose of blessing.
PROMPT: Is there a girl you are jealous of? Pray blessing over her, starting today.
PRAYER: Father, I pray that you will bless [insert name here]. I bless her gifts. May they grow more valuable with each passing day and be a blessing to many people. I bless the work of her hands. May she be productive and well-rewarded for what she does. I bless her relationships. May she always have strong, life-giving friendships where she will be encouraged and supported on life’s journey. And I bless her future. May she always live favour with You and others. Amen.
