I am Yours
By Lois (13)
Who am I? I wish I had asked myself this question a little earlier in my life. I mean, I know who I am; I know my name, what I look like, and where I live. What I really mean is, ‘Who am I to God?’
I grew up always believing what my parents and my teachers told me. Well, everything except for what they said about this strange unconditional love of God; how God loved me a lot, how God thought I was the best me I could be, and how everyone was somehow equal in His eyes. I wondered how that could ever be possible.
When I was eleven, I was the smallest girl my age. I didn’t seem to be getting beautiful, or tall, or cool. I had been bullied for several years because of my appearance, being overweight, not being the prettiest girl in my year group and because I hated all the ‘girly’ things that the other girls liked. So I distanced myself from those girls and from the boys who I thought would only talk to the ‘normal’ girls. I ended up having a very small friend group, and that just made me feel worse. I acted confident around my true friends, trying to prove to myself that I was a strong person, but inside I was tearing myself to shreds.
About halfway through Year 7 I started feeling sick, really sick. On the first day I noticed the pain, I was singing with my school worship group. Singing was one of my favourite things, but I started to believe the lie that maybe this pain meant God didn’t want me to sing anymore. Once the group had finished, and I had returned to class, I still felt this near-unbearable pain in my stomach.
After visiting a doctor, it turned out that I had a big problem with one of my kidneys. I ended up being admitted to the hospital twice for two surgeries. One of the scariest things in this nightmarish blur happened on my second trip when the head surgeon showed me to a ward and said, ‘If the surgery goes wrong, this is the emergency ward.’ Even though he reassured me that there was a low chance that it would go wrong, I was still shaken.
Thankfully, both surgeries were successful, and after I returned home I started to regain my strength. I was unnaturally skinny and, for a moment, I was pleased with my appearance. But as I listened to the song, ‘Pretty’s on the inside’ by Chloe Adams, I felt God speak to me. He reminded me that what I look like really doesn’t matter.
Through this experience I learned about my personality and my identity. I was able to look to God and say, ‘Hey God, I believe you allowed all this for a reason. Thanks. I accept that I may not be as pretty as other girls, but I am happy and confident, and that’s what really matters.’
With my new confidence, I found making friends a whole lot easier. Now, two years later, I have grown and changed. I have many amazing friends who I once thought would never want to be seen with me. I am still singing, and my voice is growing more confident every day. I feel complete.
The message I want to pass on is simply this: Be you. That’s the best person you can be.
‘... The Lord does not look at things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)
PROMPT: Stand in front of a mirror for a moment. Do you like what you see? Whose voice do you hear as you look at your reflection? Where is the message of your worth coming from? Friends? Other people at school or work? Your family? Social media? Your own expectations? Now, take a whiteboard marker and write, ‘Who You say I am’ on the mirror. Ask the Holy Spirit to whisper words of truth to your heart and mind. Write what you hear.
PRAYER: Dad, thank you for making me me. Show me who I really am. No matter my past, or my scars, I am still your own daughter. You made me with your own hands. You made me perfect, and I love you for it! Thank you for always being with me and for holding my hand while I walk over the tightrope of life. And I trust that You will never let go. I am Yours.
